oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
false alarm, still single
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize