i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
