she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
