Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My vagina just recognized that song.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
