I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
