3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it's like iHOP with fire
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
