you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
