I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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