Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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