Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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