Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
