jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I could fuck to npr.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
