I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
