I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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