worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
