Is it because I queefed?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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