Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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