I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize