she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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