I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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