We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
