guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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