Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
