Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize