he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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