I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she looked like the before picture.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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