Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
