Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
