Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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