You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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