I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
