I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
