Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
