so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
