I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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