We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
