I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
