I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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