why do cheetos always look like penises
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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