Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
