i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
