its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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