I must be too annoying 4 u.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
