Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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