can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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