Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
