i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
