Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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