physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
