He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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