I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
