Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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