is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
