I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
