Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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