So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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