I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
