we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
