dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
