i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
