Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
