dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
