I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I currently don't understand fingers.
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