I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
