: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
