it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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