I'm jealous of your bromance
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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