And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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