My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
