i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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