I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
