it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
