getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
